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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28683261">the tiniest tattoo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denrhea/pseuds/Denrhea'>Denrhea</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Learning to trust, M/M, Past Suicide Attempt, Secrets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:36:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>991</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28683261</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denrhea/pseuds/Denrhea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Victor notices Yuuri always seems to hide his hands in his presence and wants to know why.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>204</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the tiniest tattoo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TRIGGER WARNING:  This story discusses a suicide attempt and even goes into how it was attempted.  </p><p>This is not beta'd.  I posted it moments after I wrote it.  It is short, capturing a moment in time.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>
  <span>Victor had an obsession with Yuuri’s hands.  Perhaps it was the way Yuuri would pull them away, tucking them out of sight like they were something to hide.  However, Victor would grab hold of them, pulling them out, lovingly treasure them for the art they could create.  He loved so much about Yuuri, and those hands were counted among them.  And Yuuri would look anywhere but in his eyes, pulling them free and hiding them away as soon as Victor let up on his hold.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Since China, they hadn’t hidden away quite as much, although Victor knew he hid the left hand away from sight, sometimes sitting on those fingers.  However, his right hand would often find itself held in Victor’s, or maybe it was the other way around.  Yuuri would reach out to him these days as well, walks home, walks along the beach, sometimes sitting next to one another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hiding away in the shadows of Victor’s room, however, the Russian slowly began drawing him out, watching Yuuri slowly give over to greater intimacy.  It was during one of these moments, the room lit in flickering candlelight, he felt Yuuri’s hand come up to cup his cheek.  Turning to kiss that palm, he saw what Yuuri was hiding.  He caught that hand, pulling it back, feeling Yuuri shudder and look away, suddenly awash with emotion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yuuri, is that...a tattoo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri nodded, still hiding away.  Victor hated when Yuuri would hide away from him but knew that Yuuri needed that space.  He waited for Yuuri to come back to him.  The beautiful Japanese boy took a breath and then another and Victor knew this was a technique Yuuri used to get his emotions under control.  He knew tears lay just under the surface.  Finally, Yuuri swallowed and turned to look up at him, eyes wet.  “Don’t tell my parents,” was the first words out of his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“O-of course not,” Victor answered, knowing it was taboo.  Those with tattoos weren’t allowed in the onsen.  Still, Victor had to know.  “Can I...may I see it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri swallowed and then nodded, holding out his hand.  Victor turned it gingerly in his own hand, tenderly, opening it up and then spreading those fingers one by one until he found the hidden mark, a tiny semicolon tucked away in the webbing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This...obviously means something.  Does it mean what I think it means?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri nodded once more, looking away, his expression filled with shame.  “Please don’t…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just between us,” Victor quickly reassured him.  “You should know how precious you are to me.  I will always protect your most vulnerable places.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri moved into his arms, resting his head on Victor’s shoulder looking away.  Victor held onto him, supporting him, giving him what strength he could through touch.  “I wasn’t in a good place after...after Sochi.  I’m still not in the best of places.  But...I’m better.  Losing Vicchan, the failure of my career, everything...I was drowning in disappointment, in being a disappointment.  It was the longest night.  Phichit was there.  Coach was there.  Somehow I kept them from calling my parents.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-how…”  Victor didn’t know what to ask.  He shook his head and tightened his arms around Yuuri.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tylenol PM.  I remember thinking...I just wanted to shut down, to sleep, to disappear.  I spent the night at the hospital ER, drinking this charcoal business.  I was locked up for a week in the psych ward.  I...I have to have my liver checked for the rest of my life because of it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Victor pressed a kiss in his hair.  “There I was just hoping to hear from you and you were fighting one of the biggest battles of your life.  I-I didn’t know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri shrugged, still looking away.  “How could you?”  He sniffed and sat up, looking down at his hands.  “After it happened, Phichit told me my story wasn’t finished yet.  He went with me to get this tattoo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Victor reached out and took his hand, parting those fingers, he ran his own along the tender skin before lifting that hand to his own lips, kissing the finger sheltering that tattoo.  “I’m so glad you found the next page to your story.  I’m so glad that you are here...because your next page is mine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri sniffed once more, throwing his arms around Victor, this time tucking his head into the Russian’s neck.  “Me, too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you ever feel...like disappearing, like...shutting down...if you ever feel like you can’t go forward, reach out to me.  Let me hold you through that night.  Let me carry some of that weight on your shoulders.  I can’t bear the thought of a world without you in it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri sniffed, snuggling closer.  “You are what keeps me going, chasing after you, skating your programs.  Whenever I’m lost, I always turned back to you.  Th-that’s how that video happened.  I found my way back skating your program.  I never...it was never intended to be recorded.  I was just showing a friend that I was better.  I think...Yuuko knows me.  She knows how dark I can get.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m...learning.  I want to know more how to help you, how to support you.  I want to take better care of you, to love you better.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri lifted his head up, smiling through his tears, his hand coming back up to cup Victor’s cheek, the fingers now parted, no longer hiding this little secret.  “You do...every day.”  Victor turned in that hand and kissed his palm, lifting his chin to kiss the finger.  Yuuri’s expression softened.  “And I’m trying to learn to love you better.  It’s hard for me to let someone in.  I never feel like I’m enough.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are always enough...I always worry I’m too much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yuuri’s smile warmed up.  “Not for me.  Just be yourself.  That’s all I ever wanted.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And that’s all I want from you.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Although Yuuri came to the other side of his struggle, he's still healing from his experience.  He still fights those dark thoughts.  And there is no guarantee he won't entertain these thoughts again.  Hopefully his support system will be strong should consider that path once more.  However, each test of his liver, each time he washes his hands, he remembers what almost happened and how he almost missed having Victor in his life.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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